We think too much and feel too little.
Charlie Chaplin
Suhasini Mehta in one of her 'alone' trips
Pic courtesy: Suhasini Mehta
Love is a magical word, that subsumes a world of meanings - reverence, faith, courage, passion, endurance, understanding, trust etc that can turn the tide in any relationship. However, It is no longer deemed necessary to see love only through the prism of an unilateral relationship. It could be much more holistic whether one has a spouse/ partner or not. Yes, love need not be only mushy. In today's world, like everything else, love gets reinvented through solitary souls and that too almost daily and often by choice!
Simply put, There are two types of solitary souls. One, where the mate is missing. And two, where people, whether married or in relationship, looking for me-time or struggling to retain their individuality. In both instances, do the souls still seek out love and get it as well? I think so, going by my experience and people I spoke to.
Because, no matter how happy or secured you are in your life, there is always a demand for personal space and self-worth where you only want to be with yourself and/or with people other than your spouse/partner. Hence, to be in love, you need to love yourself first.
Talented photographer, Sarika Nerurkar, 27, chucked a decade-long relationship because she would not like to lose her individuality to be loved, voiced her views that could resonate with yours.
Sarika Nerurkar in a sublime mood
Pic courtesy: Sarika Nerurkar
It took me years to understand that love is not only the love you receive from someone. I always equated my worth and esteem by how much I was loved. When I understood that the greatest form of love is the one you have for yourself and that every other form of love you receive is an extension of that, it was like an epiphany. It made me walk out of an almost decade-long relationship.
It allowed me to reflect on who I am as a person. I ensured that I made myself happy instead of waiting for someone else to come and do it. I found love in other forms - which were nothing like the ever-so obvious romantic love.
Like, going on walks, travelling solo, listening to music, taking myself to art shows. I spend a lot lot of time with inanimate objects that give me happiness like books, shooting with my camera and listening to podcasts.
Suhasini Ahluwalia Mehta, a stunner at 52 and blissfully wedded since the last 21 years, still loves her solitary trips and soiree with friends. And then, there are people across the age group that falls in my category where the mate is missing. For all of us, the idea of love is unlimited and can be happily partnered alone or with someone else other than a boyfriend/husband.
Here are some of my lovey-dovey stuff. Quirky, intense, varied and fun.
I discovered love, often, in the dead of night, as I stare at the NASA updates, specially when they release pictures of our Blue planet, The Earth. It was actually a dot of vibrant blue when I saw last. It was a picture taken from the moon.
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I also get poetic when I listen to Richard Clayderman and Rahul Sharma instrumentals or Rabindrasangeet under the star-studded cobalt blue sky amidst liberal swigs of my favourite coconut -malai drink.
When I see artists like Raquel Rodrigo taking humble embroidery (forget wall graffitis and murals)to the street, I get a high because art can truly stir emotions. And cross-stitch has been my love since my pinafore days. Photography and cinema are two other creative arts that move me intensely.
Are these not elements of love? According to Oxford Dictionary, love is a very strong feeling that you have when you like someone/something very much. Going by this definition, I love so many such elements in my life that my solitude becomes my soulitude almost every day.
Have you ever hugged a tree and felt good. I did. Of course, hugging a human being leads to a different emotion!! But that's another story. My point here is how small things in life often gets us the biggest happiness. The main thing is connection with someone and/or something.
Ditto, when I visit the iconic Kolkata book fair/ Kalaghoda arts festival (Mumbai) and get lost in the narratives strewn all around. Or, watch a movie in the grandeur of an inox theatre in South City mall, Kolkata or at Sterling, Mumbai. The happiness is so infectious here that the engagement with the subject precedes the presence/ absence of a partner, at least for me. In the same manner, I relish a freshly grilled trout at a farm in Manali with my family, stands mesmerised as the Golden temple in Amritsar glows in the evening, light a diya on the banks of the holy Ganga amidst the chanting of Ganga aarti on the auspicious night of Dev Deepavali in Varanasi, along with two close people and take few peaceful dips in the Sangam, Allahabad, at the crack of dawn!! As I amble through Bannerghatta National Park and Lalbagh Botanical Garden in Bengaluru with an animated aunt or connect with a dear friend after almost two decades at our favourite Fabcafe at Kala Ghoda, Mumbai over baked samosa with root vegetables and multi grain chat, we don't look out for any male counterparts. Just enjoy each others company.
Live to eat or Eat to live?
Pic courtesy: Suhasini Mehta
The list can go on but I am signing off with the following that happens periodically. When I did Reiki with music on and still do chanting. When I enter the Siddhivinayak temple, Mumbai, my walk becomes sprint. Gorging on two unputdownable fictions/films back-to-back at home while simultaneously lapping up plates of sweet pancakes (patishapta) made of jaggery, kheer, coconut and flour and/or bowls of piping-hot butter-grilled sweet corns to be washed off with another bowl of cold cucumber soup, I feel lived. And then years later, rediscover that same love as I scroll through the photographs.
For camera when clicks a moment, it becomes an immersive experience sealed in memory!! Memory, to be nursed and nurtured for years to come...
So keep walking, clicking and making your love life happier!!
Happy Valentine's Day!!
NB, Coming soon, another chapter on love that catch you unfailingly at a time when you need most....Stay tuned!! And do share your thoughts on what love means to you.
Thank you!