Mental Floss

 

Life is a journey.... .Just remain true to yourself...And it always pans out- Saba Ali Khan Pataudi

                                                                              

                                                                               Suhasini Ahluwalia Mehta   

How many people think like her? 

I mean if you go through her impressions, you will be overwhelmed with an explosion of emotions and will be compelled to think afresh. Sample a gem from her:  When you are gifting someone, you are actually sharing the perks you get of being privileged. And the flip side is that privilege has given me the strength to manage prejudice and difficult times.  For example, during the pandemic, stretching over a year now,  keeping a journal has been the best balm I could get for myself. It has become a powerful influencer in the way my mind now responds to events and remarks.That is because, it helped me struck a great relationship with myself. More than anyone else, you live with yourself through most part of your life. So, how compatible are you with yourself influences your contentment quotient.  Yes, one of the best gifts of journaling is that you start a friendship with someone you are perhaps most harsh and indulgent about. 

Meet multi-talented stunner, Suhasini Ahluwalia Mehta.

She is based out of Navi Mumbai, Maharashtra, India. She had the privilege of working with visionaries like media personality Pritish Nandy. Consequently, among other interesting work under his tutelage, she was instrumental in setting up the first cyber cafe in India at Leela Kempinski, Mumbai in the early nineties.She is the founder of 17 years old Stellant Communications Pvt Ltd, a boutique Public Relations firm that works with venture capitalists and start-ups.  To me, Sudeshna Chatterjee, her halo is somewhere else though, reflected in our freewheeling conversations which only get better and hence linger on with time. What I like about her the most is her curiosity to learn or do something new. Research says learning new things is a great tonic for your brain health and also keeps you in good humour. In the last eighteen months due to serial lockdowns, she started and continued with some new activities. She started keeping a diary.  She has been regularly giving free Pranic healing on asking. She has been into acrylic painting as well since the last six months. Wait! She is an amateur nature photographer and a drummer as well. Married for almost two decades now, she with her supportive husband are a DINK couple. She is 51 now, and looks unbelievably stunning for her age. Just look at her pictures!!But to me, Sudeshna Chatterjee, her looks are attractive because of her grey cells!!She is intelligent, witty, and a quick learner. It is her  pattern of thoughts that I find so enchanting and energetic. My favourite quote by her: I always keep myself busy. Some more in the offing – 

You need to love and accept yourself as you are. When two people are living together, it is important to accept one as one is. Period.

 

 You should be the most important person to yourself, even when you are married.

 If you seek something, give that to others first, be it money or happiness. Of course, it cannot be a mere giving. It needs to be preceded by a change in the mindset which makes you worthy of giving. Like I once suffered from financial insecurity. Obviously, it would have its own pressure. But then, I kept telling myself that I was capable of coming out of this hurdle because I was worth it. After I started giving ten percent of my earnings every month, I never faced the insecurity. Money/gifts  kept flowing. I know, it sounds like a 'Secret' tenet, but at least in my life, it worked.

           Mehta's acrylic painting titled Resonance 

  

To me, Sudeshna Chatterjee, the mind of Suhasini Ahluwalia Mehta opens up into a vibrant palette of ideas and interests when provoked to introspect.  Hence, I find her answers almost always complementing my questions. 

 

                                                                             

                                                                               Suhasini Ahluwalia Mehta

Q & A                                                                         

You are showered with blessings when you give tithe, according to religious beliefs. But you would prefer to call it as a gift to your favoured causes. Does the way you look at things change the perspective? How does it help? And, would you have continued to give  the tithe if the financial insecurity would have continued notwithstanding? Yes/no, please elaborate.

I always gifted to the causes after my heart. However, I suddenly decided to tithe more consciously since early last year. Tithing is about money I guess but I think one can give anything – it is more about sharing actually. We are privileged to have a good education, skills, abilities, talents – we can share all or any of these, right? I started this as a women’s group as well, a few years ago, to encourage each other’s talents – to share and to encourage women to express their talent, to be independent and to support each other. We are now a group of more than 150 women going by the proud name of Pleiades.

Giving and Receiving – they are actually the same. I think it is about understanding the value of your gifts by sharing them with others. Most times we underestimate ourselves, our privileges and gifts. By sharing with others, we begin to value these more. If I am able to give something, that means I ‘have’ it. I think that’s why formal tithing has been recommended – to remove the idea of ‘lack’. Instead of focussing on lack – by sharing – we start focussing on ‘having’ something that we are delighted to share. So yes, definitely the way you look at things changes because you feel responsible, empowered – that you are able to support others. It is also not just about giving, isn’t it? It is about receiving as well. If for example, someone teaches the underserved, it is sharing something you have and that means you received it, you have the talent/gift/ability – that is how you are sharing it. So it is equally important to be receiving gratefully the gifts you are given in life.

Financial insecurity is a state of mind, focusses on ‘lack’. It can change very easily when you start being grateful for what you have (have=received).

According to the American Psychology Association, expressive writing cleans up spaces in the only ‘living’ shelf called memory by removing intrusive and avoidant thoughts. That is what I feel is the best benefit of keeping a journal as it keeps depressive thoughts at bay, especially in the new normal time when we are struggling to survive. Kindly enlist yours.  

One of the best benefits of keeping a journal is that you begin to become your own friend. You learn to express and your thought process becomes clearer. A journal helps you see yourself, like a mirror. You become more aware of your thoughts and can then attempt to control or change them. It is a reflection of your innermost state of mind like fears, desires and hopes. It is actually quite non-judgemental too! I used to keep a journal when I was younger and then stopped. I always did stay with the habit of writing at times and making short notes. So, I decided to get back to it as I had some flexibility of time due to working from home during the pandemic.

My journal has become like my best friend. I enjoy sitting with it first thing every morning. It helps with self-dialogue and stay focussed on what is important to me. It helps me face my fears. It helps me encourage myself. It helps me write goals and dreams and the things and people I am grateful for. It thus makes me feel lighter and hence happier.

You are a DINK couple living in India. How prejudice and privilege affect your mind?

Interesting question…I think privilege has given me the strength to manage prejudice. The usual casual question that comes up when you meet someone is – how many kids do you have or what class are your kids in? And I truly enjoy their look when I say – we do not have kids. It is usually a blank or a confused look! At one party, a lady insisted that I should plan and have kids quickly and I tried convincing her about my age first (I was 45 at the time) and had no intentions of making her an Auntie hahahaha. I still can not forget the flabbergasted look on her face. I quietly heave a sigh of relief when I hear stressed mothers talk about 10^th and 12^th exams. It is not like I have not missed having kids but frankly it is a rare occasion. Once we decided, that was that. I am not a person who lives in the past or with regrets. I have none. We have kids around us of all ages and enjoy spoiling them. We are more friends with them.

I have not directly faced any snide remarks – it is the usual comments from parents and family but we take and answer them in jest and they left us alone. I guess they also got around to accepting us and our decisions. We understand their perspective too.

The attitude generally is that other things make us whole – if you are single – get married, if you are married have kids, if you have kids – what education are you giving them?, do you own a house?, how much do you earn?, what car do you own? Etc etc. True – this is life and living but life and living could be other stuff as well.

What is your ‘Secret’ to ensure some balance in your mind and relationship? 

I am not sure how to answer that – that is the kind of person I am – I enjoy learning and experiencing new things, I like pushing myself to be better, I like pressurising myself and also cribbing and complaining and then getting through to the next level. So even when I know, I am busy – I say to myself, I can still do it – cause if you give something to someone who is busy, he/she will surely do it. I still make time for doing ‘nothing’ in between J. I used to be a workaholic for many years but over the last few years, I have consciously tried to make time to do the things I totally enjoy – working out, drumming, trying painting, writing, reading, hanging on to trees or friends (masti), dancing. Thanks to working from home, there is additional flexibility to do these activities.

We all are sad at some point. But only the weak gets bitter. Agree? Yes/no, why? How do you deal with your demons?  

 I would not use the word ‘weak’. Maybe replace it with vulnerable. It is okay to be and feel vulnerable. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to be happy.

 Certainly, we are humans and our emotions take over sometimes. When this happens to me – I become aware of it and then decide on a strategy – either allow myself to wallow in it for some time and then snap out of it or focus on my breathing to change my state and/or vent out in my journal and analyse it. I have also come to a formula that I use to analyse my state – if something disturbs me or unbalances me, I ask myself if my emotion or reaction to a situation is driven by Judgement or Fear or Expectation (my short form JEF) and then I go about tackling it internally with self-analysis/talk/letting go/forgiving/healing.

 If you are in love with a person, would you like to change that person or your thoughts to be compatible? Kindly elucidate. 

Hahahahaha I tried the changing part –didn’t work J so I decided to change myself and my thoughts. That is actually the only thing one can change, right? I realised you do not actually have to do anything to be ‘compatible’. You just need to stop putting pressure on yourself. You need to learn to be comfortable and okay with yourself and everything around you changes automagically. I decided to delve into ‘Know Thyself’. I let go of my idea of ‘should be’ and ‘would be’ and 'perfection' and it got so much easier! It is a perfect world anyways!

I realised I was too hard on myself, trying to live life according to ‘standards’ set by social life or self-prejudices and perceptions. Now I try to be more accepting of myself, kinder, gentler, more forgiving and not taking myself too seriously. So I am enjoying just ‘being’ myself. Learning to be my own friend. When you accept yourself as you are, you can very easily accept others as they are.

All in all, it is not about the other person. It is about you. Are you compatible with yourself? 

                                                                                                                                      Mehta's acrylic painting titled  Joy

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