Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall; a mother’s secret hope outlives them all.
Oliver Wendell Holmes
The first time, my writing got published, it was in The Statesman of the 80s on the eve of Mother’s Day. I was a teenager then. In those days, veteran actress Nirupa Roy was the quintessential sacrificial mother figure in Hindi films. We, as a family, were quite a movie buff and would go to theatres every month. That was our favourite getaway. Watching films and then going to a restaurant for some Bengali savouries like rolls, chops and/or kebabs, finishing off with a plate of irresistible flavoured kulfi. We were kids when we went for the 1975 superhit Hindi film, Deewaar. But even today, I remember that iconic Salim-Javed dialogue :Aaj mere paas building hai, property hai, bank balance hai, bangla hai, gadi hai: Kya hai tumhare paas?The retort, "Mere paas Ma hai," became a mass anthem used very often, when a mother is felicitated.
Cut to 2017. Superstar Sridevi is the step mom, in the Hindi thriller, Mom, a role which earned her a national award. She seeks revenge after her step daughter is sexually assaulted at a party. This is a sacrifice too of a different nature. One of fierce love and determination to give justice to her daughter when legal options did not work out. A prominent dialogue from the film has become a favourite quote today: God isn't everywhere, that's why he made a mother. Though British poet and novelist Rudyard Kipling wrote that many decades back, but for us, 'Mom', told us first. Sridevi's character is savage in the film when it comes to the perpetrators. An image, we do not associate with that of a common Indian mother. Even in a Bengali film, Puratawn (The Ancient), released a month back, lauded by critics and cinegoers alike, the secrets and despair that the matriarch (played by the inimitable Sharmila Tagore) in the film lets out through subtle flickers of submission, all for the sake of her daughter, exudes a sense of vulnerability. Still, the public perception of a mother goes something like the following: She will pamper? Yes. She will sacrifice? Definitely. She will give a condescending sneer? Occasionally. She will orchestrate killings? Unthinkable.
Yes, the unconditional love between a mother and her child, as noted actress Neena Gupta affirmed to me many years back in an interview for a Times of India publication largely continues to hold water. Even when you hear instances of abuse and /or murder committed by mothers as reported in the media and posted in the social media with live videos, particularly since the last few years, trust in mother for a child is still mostly unwavering. At a more pedestrian level, I saw hints of that love in the cake shops when both adolescents and adults were queuing up to buy cakes piping their favourite letter like a crowning glory on their preferred ganache. Indeed, as one of my friends posted, "No need to have a superhero when you have a Mom.”
Hence, nothwithstanding the changing values, with more young mothers investing time, money and interest in their personal grooming, more adult children leaving their mothers alone in their village home or abandoning them in old age homes, a mother mostly remains a mother. In most middle class homes, they are still seen regularly filling up cups with energy drink when the children study through late nights during exam time and/or affectionately recalling their tantrums long after their children have left them on the streets to fend for themselves. Don’t believe? Just have to scroll down your Facebook page. The adverts of individuals and organisations doing their bit for helpless parents and seeking aid from the readers will regularly pop in.
Ideally, everyday should be a Happy Mother's Day! Still I take this opportunity to tell people, “life doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with a mother”. Courtesy, American author and entrepreneur, Cleophus P. Franklin, Jr. And thank God for that. Because we grow up thinking our parents don’t understand our struggles, but the truth is they made sure we never felt theirs. A friend of mine posted these very real and precious words on her social media wall.
Today is my mother’s birthday.
Happy Mother’s Day.
Love you, Ma.
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